Transitions are Tough
It’s that time of year again - out with the old and in with the new. We find ourselves saying “goodbye” to classes, schools and work and “hello” to holidays. Transition time. Most of us relish the thought of a little slack in our daily routine but for some people, transitions are fraught with challenge. What makes them so hard? And is there any way to smooth the process for those who have difficulty?
What's going on?
Change signals the end of something familiar and the beginning of something new. When faced with change, we go on the alert. It’s the body’s way of helping us to cope with unforeseen circumstances.
Ever visited a foreign country?
As you step off the aeroplane, you’re probably acutely aware of your new surroundings. You notice the nearby smells, sights and sounds. You scan the walls and try to understand the foreign signs. You see the different people groups and restaurants with strange offerings. You watch your possessions like a hawk and check your itinerary again for details. Contrast all that to your return journey. As you enter the airport, everything around you is familiar. In a relaxed state, you collect your bags and head for the exit without really noticing the sights and sounds around you.
Some of us avoid change at all costs
Some people thrive on new and exciting experiences. Thrill seekers love nothing better than being faced with a knee weakening ordeal. But others of us will go to great lengths to keep things the same and avoid change at all costs.
Perhaps you, or someone you know is like that? Perhaps even the smallest change causes a huge commotion? I know a child who will only eat one brand of sausages. I know another child who will eat yoghurt at school but not at home even though the brand is identical. Now that’s quite extreme, but it does illustrate the point. Some people really hate change. Their systems react to even small changes as though they are huge ones.
Autistic Individuals have a strong preference for sameness.
Autistic toddlers will often play with the same toys, watch the same TV programme and insist on the same food. Later at school, they tend to prefer subjects like Maths and Science which lend themselves to a more structured thinking style. And, if you inspect student performance in subjects like English Literature and History, you may well find an imposed structure. Stories, for example, may be based on actual events. Opinions may be based on supplied information. One student I know, said she could only give an opinion by first googling the information and then either agreeing or disagreeing with it.
The downside is anxiety
Whilst the upside of a structured thinking style may be strong Maths or Science skills, the downside is the fear and anxiety that often accompanies a loss of structure. For some people, even small changes can provoke anxiety and, in some cases, that anxiety is extreme. The reaction may leave you baffled as you try to understand what all the fuss is about. After all, the problem seems so trivial. But to the person concerned, it is like being lost in the dodgy part of a foreign country with no way out. Fear. Panic. Despite how they come across, these reactions are not deliberate attempts to be obstructive, awkward, naughty or difficult. They are an outward manifestation of the inner turmoil that is raging.
What’s involved?
In knowing how to respond to these difficulties, consider what’s involved. Change is a form of mental gymnastics. First you must stop doing something (which may not be complete) and shift your focus to another activity or thing. Different information and skills are needed for the new task. So, first you must identify what that new information is and then you need to get ready for the next task. To carry it out, a new set of motor planning and co-ordination is needed. Throw into the mix a cocktail of sensory information and you have the perfect storm. For most of us, this all happens in a split second. You simply finish one thing and start the next, effortlessly. But for people who struggle, change involves a massive effort.
Consider the toddler happily playing with trains at Nursery. He’s still adding pieces to the track when the teacher tells him to go to the toilet. The first barrier is stopping. He hasn’t completed the track and he’s not happy about leaving it half-finished. So, he carries on. The teacher tells him again but this time, with a hint of annoyance. Fear sets in. Now, his mind must shift from trains to an unwanted toilet trip. Motor planning and co-ordination are needed to put away the trains and get himself to the toilet. Then there’s the actual toilet visit. He dislikes the different smell in the bathroom and the feeling of bare skin on the toilet seat. He hates going to the toilet. All this in the presence of noise, smell and people moving around. Structure has gone. Fear and panic take hold. His response? Resist at all costs.
Another aspect to change is the mental ability to predict
In the example above, the toddler has been to the toilet before and has mental associations with the experience. But what if you don’t know what’s coming? What if the change involves something you haven’t experienced before? If you are neurotypical, your predicting skills will help you. On your foreign trip, for example, your brain will draw on previous holiday experiences and use this information to help you imagine what might lie ahead. If you are autistic however, your mind may not see previous experiences (which are different) as being relevant. Without that information, it will be much harder to predict. And in fact, even more so, as autistic people often struggle to imagine in the absence of concrete information. The experience may well feel novel in every way. And that can be very scary.
Is there anything that can help?
So, thinking of what’s involved and how autistic minds tends to work, it’s little wonder that this time of year can throw many people off course. Is there anything that can help?
What do you need when faced with the unknown? Information and preparation. If you are visiting a foreign country, you prepare yourself by researching the destination. You consider the weather and available activities. You chose clothing to match and activities you enjoy. You get the relevant currency and amount you need. You note the address where you are staying and make plans for getting there from the airport. Imagine how you would fare if you only packed five minutes before departure and made no plans before arriving at your destination. Even the coolest cucumber amongst us would probably feel some angst.
Information and Preparation Make the Unknown Known
In the same way, autistic individuals generally cope better when given information and time for preparation. By doing so we make the unknown a little more known. We restore some of the internal structure that gives a framework for daily living.
Information relating to the small details of everyday life may not seem necessary, but it certainly helps, and the effort is worth it. If you are going away, count down the days on a visual calendar, look at pictures of your destination, discuss how you will get there and together, make a list (written / pictorial) of what you will take with you. Pack in advance so that things are not left to the last minute when everyone is tired, and nerves are frayed. Change is stressful, so remember the fun element. Talk about the good things that you will do. Give your child a sense of autonomy (which is empowering) by letting them choose new items which need to be bought in advance.
After the holidays, when you are contemplating the return to school, take the same approach. Count down the days to school, talk about how your child will get to school, the name of their new teacher, what time their day will start and finish, what they will wear, where they will eat lunch etc. Use pictures especially for young children and where possible involve your child in the process by, for example, letting them choose their stationery, school bag, lunch box or contents therein. Don’t forget to include the enjoyable things that you child may be looking forward to such as Forest School or Swimming. And be sure to pack bags well in advance.
Change is an inevitable part of life and helping your child to manage the process is an empowering skill in their emotional regulation armoury. In the words of Jimmy Dean, “I can’t change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination”.
